The Tale of 2018

I was having a bit a writer's block, so I asked my Twitter friends what I should write about. One interesting idea came through, was about my goals for the year and in the future and then we started talking about vision boards. Yes, I have one, but with what 2018 has dealt me, I would need a major divine intervention miracle to make most of what is on there to become true.

My vision board for 2018, done January 1, 2018.

It is only less than 3 months left in 2018. 2018 has been a very interesting year, to say the least. It's quite different than any year of my life. If I was to write a memoir about this year so far, the title would be "2018: Bitch, You Thought."

Now, this is not going to be a "woe is me" post. That's why I journal and pray to put that negative energy elsewhere. I just keeping it real from my perspective. I hope this can inspire and maybe connect with those who maybe going through similar situations.

Being an escort is great. I feel a great sense of empowerment and love having total body autonomy. I like that I am an entrepreneur and building a business from scratch. Having to walk a fine line of living a secret life, but it being so real and part of who I am. I love being able to enhance gentlemen's lives and their well-being for the brief moments that we are together. Also I get to save marriages, heal souls, and build confidence, too. However, sex work is not all rainbows, luxurious trips, Chanel bags, and endless amount of orgasms and cash, well for some it can be. This year was not that way for me, and I'm kind of okay with that.

I'm starting to appreciate having to start from the dirty ground floor. This is a tough business, practically upstarting any business is a challenge if you don't have a lot of resources (mainly financial). I'm learning everything on the fly, so Google is my BFF. Honestly, I would rather have it this way. I am very appreciative and thank God everyday for everything that I am learning and doing as an escort.

When the clock struck 12 on New Year's Eve, I wrote down everything I wanted to happen for 2018. I just started as an escort a few months prior and thought 2018 was going to be my year. I did a vision board and had a separate "heaux" manifest book/journal to put all of my ideas in place. I had goals of have at least 2-3 consistent, multi-hour bookings weekly; set up premium social media or paid content; increase my online presence; build a better website; use better ad sites; and networking/making connections with other providers. Of course, the end goal was to make enough money to supplement me not working full time and tackle some of my financial and life goals.

Well, a few things did transpire. I did set up premium social media via Snapchat, increased my online presence with Twitter and other online forums, built a better website, using a better ad site, and making connections with other providers. I am greatly thankful for achieving those feats. I have grown so much since I started and really cherish everything that I have learned about the business and, most importantly, myself.

However, the one big thing that I haven't achieved this year, so far, is the consistent bookings. Even before the whole FOSTA/SESTA thing went down, bookings were few and far between. Just when I thought was about to gain some momentum and have somewhat of a breakthrough, the legislation that killed or quieted our usual ad venues happened. Let's be honest, the community went into a panic. Providers were somewhat cautious about advertising and the state of their online presence as websites and ad sites were randomly deleting our profiles and content. Plus new predatory sites were popping up that were either scams or could not prove any return on investment, whatsoever. Clients, too, were cautious as their favorite review forums were shut down or had reviews unaccessible, so they didn't want to risk seeing new providers, unless it was for a short session or lower rate (at least that was the consensus on review forums). They instead stuck with providers they have seen. Being fairly new and that I wasn't going to offer shorter sessions or significantly lower my rates, that got me caught in the somewhat of an escort purgatory. I had inquires, but many were typical time-wasting bullshit, and somehow didn't want to screen considering the climate.

So my calendar was a bit dry. I revisited my heaux wishbook and journal to see what I could realistically do considering the current state of things. First I wrote out my gratitude for what I have achieved and the few clients, subscribers, and gifters that I had. Then I really had to dig deep to see what could I do bring in clients. For me when things don't work out as I have hoped, I turn my thoughts inward to see what am I doing wrong. Why are people looking at my website and ads, but not booking? Is it my image? Am I too bitchy online? Do I need to be on the top ad site according to Google? Do I need to offer incalls? Do I need to tour? Do I need to be more likeable? Do I need to freestyle? Do I need to move to another area where they like my type of esthetic? All of these questions I pondered as thought of an action plan to increase my business.

As for most providers, this is a main source of our income. and finances. So when bookings are few and cancellations happen, it put us in serious financial strain and stress. I haven't yet, found a full time job to help ease of the financial strain of not having as many bookings as I would like. So I've been a bit on edge and dealing with anxiety. In our society, to do anything, requires money, period. You know people say, "the best things in life are free" or "money doesn't buy happiness" clearly have plenty of expendable income and would not give up their money to prove their happiness. Not having enough to do the things to live a sustainable life is always on my mind. I have child, and I had to cut back on many things this year, such as no out of town trips, visits to amusement parks, and expensive toys. For myself, I had to learn how to be more frugal and do a lot of DIY projects for my home and my beauty and self care. No more trips to the nail salon, not buying as much high end beauty products, shopping for clothes, shoes, food, and home products only with a deep sale and coupons.

One thing that I learned from successful entrepreneurs, that when you earn money from your business, you should invest that back into your business to improve and grow. With not having the extra income from bookings, things to improve my business such a better photoshoots, paying to be on the top advertising site, ability to do a out of area tours were not feasible when I had bills to pay. To be honest, I became very frustrated with myself and I began to wonder if I should continue even doing this. I'm doing something that I thought I would be good at and I'm failing miserably at it. Then I see providers, especially new ones, saying they so overwhelmed with inquiries and cannot take on any more clients. They are on the same new platforms as I am and making bank, while my inbox is quiet with a few time wasters and complainers (those who purposely complain through email or text about your rates, pictures, etc). I wondered why isn't it working out as I have manifested in my book or vision board.

Everyday I am fine tuning being Caris Quinn. I'm working on bettering my online presence through content and interactions on social media. I have implemented new musings and an incall option. I'm planning to do a mini tour to nearby city. I'm practicing more selfcare through reading inspirational books and reconnecting to my spirituality. I have learned that success takes time for most folks when starting from the very bottom. I'm trying to trust the notion that things happen in due time and that God's timing is perfect. Honestly, it has been a hard concept to follow as disappointment and failure stares you in the face when you try to take steps forward to your goals. Right now, all I can do is take it one step at a time. Just keep grinding smarter, not harder. I'll definitely rework my vision board and heaux book for the end of the year into 2019. Maybe I can end this year with a bang and change the title to "2018: Bitch, You Did."

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