Daddy Issues and the Tragic Hooker: An Absurd Narrative
Updated: Aug 27, 2018
We've all heard those stories about how sex workers lead tragic and unhappy lives. We are forced into sex work, well some are via trafficking, but that's another story and trafficking needs to stop, by the way. We are doing this because we didn't have a father figure growing up. We were abused, on drugs, hit puberty early, yadda, yadda, yadda.
All of this feeds into the Tragic Hooker and Daddy Issues narrative that self-righteous, self-serving, anti-sex work protagonists use to stigmatize, denounce, and prosecute what we do as sex workers. Frankly, this is complete bullshit.
I admit it, I did have daddy issues. My parents split when I was a toddler. My dad was never there for me and my siblings. I never had a strong father figure in my life. Most of the men I dealt with growing up were very disappointing to me. With that said, that had taken a toll on my self esteem growing up and contributed to my decision in having unhealthy, abusive relationships with men until a few years ago when I got into sex work. But that is NOT why I got into sex work. I wasn't searching for a "daddy" or someone to love me like a father, especially if he loved me like my father did. I realized after leaving my abusive ex, who is my child's father, that I had to find love within myself and be my own person. I chose sex work, because I have total body autonomy and I'm compensated for it. Meaning, I choose who gets to be intimate with me, who gets to spend time with me, and gets to be in my space, in person and virtually. Plus I get paid for it! I am building something of my own for ME, which cannot be found in 99.999999999% of regular or "civvie" jobs.
Back to daddy issues...remember that joke from a Chris Rock comedy special awhile back about how he must be active in his daughters' lives to "keep them off the pole," a metaphor for sex work. The crowd agreed, laughed, and gave him a huge round of applause. I bet you, if you were to ask any sex worker, you would find that most come from dual parent households, their fathers were involved, and have pretty happy childhoods. Yet, all society wants you to think is that we are sad people with daddy issues and our dads weren't there to keep us "off the pole". Most of us are healthy, normal functioning adults. Many of us have used sex work to venture into other businesses, help others, and build wealth. The daddy issues narrative is basically minute.
The Tragic Hooker...poor, sad hooker, walking the streets in a seedy part of town with cigarette hanging out the side of her mouth looking for a trick to get enough money for a hit a dope and give back to her pimp. She had very humble or tragic beginnings and was lured into sex work by a slick talking, well-dressed man (aka pimp) for the promise of a better life but only to end up on drugs, diseased, homeless, in jail or dead. The story has been told thousands of times, in movies, tv shows, books and even songs, like the old Bobby Womack song 'Across 110th Street" or The Whispers "Olivia." Yeah, I went old school soul for you.
Back to the discussion at hand, the Tragic Hooker narrative just like the Daddy Issues narrative, from my interactions with fellow sex workers, represents a very small portion of sex workers. There maybe a few who are on drugs, who do sex work to support their habit. Some are trafficked or underage, which again, is horrible and needs to be stopped.
Society wants to up hold this narrative. Let's face it, talking about sex work makes people uncomfortable and frankly, down right angry. Upholding that Tragic Hooker story pushes the Puritanical and patriarchal agenda, especially here in the United States. The main reason why there always has and continue to be a hard push against sex work, via laws, social stigma, and discrimination, is because the majority of sex workers are women/identify as women and we have control over our bodies and how we use them, we do not let men feel entitled to them, and we get compensated for it. That goes against the patriarchy and the misogyny that this country was founded on.
We do all different types of sexwork. We cam, strip, domme, sub, do porn, sugar, work in brothels or agencies; work the streets, hotels, and casinos; work independently, and the list goes on. Often we do two or few things in sex work. For most of us, it's OUR choice and WE choose how we want to do it.
Many of us are on the front lines to change to narrative from a tragic one to a triumphant one. We are breaking stereotypes and showing that all types of adults, no matter their background, how they choose to identify, economic status, education level, age (18 plus), or racial identity, do consensual sex work. We are entrepreneurs, parents, and active community members.
The sex worker community is resilient. If it wasn't, it wouldn't be "oldest profession known to man". Some of us have our issues and most are working through them. However, we will be triumphant and always adapting. Plus as long as people want to get laid, have intimacy and connection, there will always be sex workers.